Why I Don’t Coach “Gentle Parenting” (Even Though I Secretly Love It)

As a parenting and early childhood consultant, I actively avoid teaching my clients gentle parenting.

Let me stop you before we even get started - this doesn’t mean I’m encouraging parents to become demanding, no-mercy rulers of their households. Far from it. I believe every parent has the capacity to raise their children with kindness, respect, and that happy kind of confidence that makes everyone in the room feel comfy and secure. It’s just that I refuse to get caught in the “gentle parenting” jargon trap.

Way back at the dawn of new-age parenting, gentle parenting was a much-needed movement - a belief that we could raise kids with tenderness, mutual respect, and empathy, while breaking away from the punitive styles of the past. No more timeouts on the “naughty step” or yelling matches to assert dominance. Instead, we began to embrace the idea of setting boundaries with confidence and warmth; teaching kids how to navigate emotions while still holding them accountable.

Sounds great, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want that for their kids? The problem isn’t the idea - it’s what has happened to it along the way.

Why I Don’t Use the Term

Social media took gentle parenting and RAN with it. Almost overnight, it became a hot topic of discussion, growing into a grand spectacle. Unfortunately, I’d now file the success of its growing “grandness” in the same category as overdone baby gender reveals… you know the ones involving fireworks in a dry wheat field? WE’VE GONE TOO FAR, PEOPLE.

Let’s be very crystal clear: I’m not anti-gentle parenting. In fact, I agree with it wholeheartedly - the real version, not the social media version. I believe all children deserve to be raised with respect, empathy, and kindness. I believe in setting firm boundaries and following through without yelling or shaming. But I don’t lead with the term gentle parenting because I’ve seen the different ways it trips people up:

1. It Feeds the Guilt Spiral

Parent guilt is real, and nothing seems to trigger it faster than the idea of falling short of the “gentle parent” ideal. Maybe you yelled during a stressful moment, or maybe you were less than patient when your toddler spilled milk for the third time that morning. Whatever the reason, it’s easy to spiral into a loop of self-doubt: “I failed. I’m not gentle. What’s the point?”

Here’s the thing: parenting isn’t about perfection. Nobody is gentle 100% of the time, and that’s okay. What matters is how you reconnect after the tough moments. It’s about repair, not perfection. But the term gentle parenting often creates this unattainable ideal that leaves parents feeling like they’re failing before they’ve even started.

2. It’s Been Socially Misunderstood

Nuance is not social media’s strong suit. Gentle parenting has been lumped together with permissive parenting, free-range parenting, and everything in between. It’s become this catch-all term that doesn’t really mean what it’s supposed to mean.

In reality, gentle parenting aligns more closely with authoritative parenting. It’s about balance - firm boundaries paired with emotional support. It’s about showing your kids love and respect while teaching them accountability. 

3. It Creates Unnecessary Pressure

Labels can be helpful. They give us a framework, a starting point. But they can also be limiting, especially when they’re tied to such high expectations. Parents feel pressured to “fit” the gentle parenting mould, and when they don’t, they abandon the whole idea.

I’ve seen parents reject incredibly valuable tools - like emotional validation or collaborative problem-solving - because they don’t feel connected to the term gentle parent. I shed a tear knowing this because these strategies really work. But the label? It can be more of a barrier than a bridge.

Beyond the Buzzword

So, if I don’t use gentle parenting as a key term, what do I focus on instead? I focus on helping parents discover their own unique style. Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. It’s about finding what works for your family while keeping your values intact.

There are so many ways to parent with kindness and confidence without clinging to a single label. Gentle isn’t the only synonym for positive parenting. Kind, compassionate, patient, firm, balanced - they all fit. The goal isn’t to stick to one word; it’s to focus on raising emotionally resilient kids in a way that aligns with your values. Maybe you’re the calm and steady type, or maybe you’re more of a passionate, wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve parent.

Everyone is SO focused on their gentleness, that they forget to embrace all the other super cool qualities that make them a super cool parent!

Moving on from Gentle Parenting 

To end on a fair note, gentle parenting has done a lot of good. It’s opened up conversations about breaking away from punitive parenting methods and embracing empathy and respect. It’s helped parents feel less alone and more connected to their kids.

But now, it feels like we’re stuck in a loop, hyper-focused on finding the “perfect” label for the “ultimate” parenting approach. I think it’s time to take the halo off gentle parenting and reduce the guilt, confusion, and unrealistic expectations that so often come with it.

Instead, let’s talk about being confident, kind, and balanced. Let’s embrace the idea that you can set firm boundaries without yelling and respect your child as a person without letting them run the show. Let’s ditch the labels and focus on what really matters: building strong, loving family connections.

At the end of the day, authentic parenting is messy. I’d MUCH rather stay rooted here in reality and guide families toward practical, achievable strategies that work for them - no labels, no guilt, just real-life parenting.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the buzzwords and perfect Instagram parents, take a deep breath. Remember, you don’t need a label to be a great parent. You just need love, patience, and a willingness to learn. (And perhaps a good hiding spot for the markers.)